i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
