yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
