she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
