I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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