Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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