I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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