you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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