Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
