Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
