he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
