I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
