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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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