I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
