My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
