i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
