Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I should be sponsored by Trojan
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
