i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We have so much sex to catch up on
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
