is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
