My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize
