we have pet lesbian snakes
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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