Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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