How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
