a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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