the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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