My liver just broke up with me...
I just pynch a tree in the face
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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