laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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