I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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