i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
