We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
