Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
