I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
It was confusing and full of hummus
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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