glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
apparently the secret to your success is patron
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
