He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
