so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
