so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
