i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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