I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
