I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
