So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Randomize
