I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
