the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
