she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
