I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
