He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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