Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
