i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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