did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
