Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
