I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
