Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
