My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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