Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
