Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
