things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
